


for now all I need is you

by Anonymous



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 18:26:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8928274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Sometimes Lee Jihoon closes his eyes, and he dreams. So does Yoon Jeonghan but what will happen when the dream is just too vivid and seems so real?





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dunkshots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dunkshots/gifts).



_Tell me your definition of happiness…_

     “Do you have a dream or two?”

     Lee Jihoon snaps back from his daydream. It took him almost 10 seconds to proceed that someone else is there, talking to him. Lee Jihoon makes another inaudible sounds with his trembling voice chord—asking for a second chance so Lee Jihoon can properly prepare an answer and yet, the warmth beside him before, is fading away. Lee Jihoon sits there for another minute to realize, there’s no one beside him, on that metal bench. Once again, the noise of branches rustling each other. The crisp sound of soles against cold grass. The nature calling one and all. The murmuring of his and her conversation altogether. The sound of that beating heart. The trickle of blood flowing each other their veins. All clear, accompanying Lee Jihoon. Lee Jihoon grabs his harmonica, joining the orchestra of mother nature. Lee Jihoon feels his burden suddenly goes up to the sky—becoming one with the clouds. A sweet serenade echoes throughout the space between Lee Jihoon and the outside world.

     As one side went pitch dark, the other side will load with every spectrum of colors. The heart that once beats in steady speed now go up and down rapidly in excitement, lots of endorphins released, and thousands of confessions comes after. Lee Jihoon continues his serenade with major notes, it feels surreal, too good to be true. The serenade reaches it climax. Lee Jihoon then stops his performance as he felt his throat starts to acting up again. Lee Jihoon takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. Lee Jihoon’s hearing sense picks up another sounds that once wasn’t there before. A pair hands claps, then it grows. A whole crowd applaud, and a subtle noise of camera focusing.

     “I did once.”

     Lee Jihoon feels the warmth, lots of warmness in front of him. Lots of heartbeats, lots of endorphins. Lee Jihoon starts to hear compliments—a mantra of happiness to be released in an instant. Lee Jihoon stands up, and bows down to those generous witches who cast a spell to his body, and make him feel better than before. Lee Jihoon settles his small body on that metal bench, feeling the heat started to reduce in amount. Yet, that one soul won’t go away. The more clock hands ticking, the faster time running, that person stood there still and not moving even an inch. So translucent that Lee Jihoon barely noticed his presence.

     That warmth still there.

     “Sir, we have to go back.” Lee Jihoon then nods. That warmness is gone. Lee Jihoon grabs his white cane and proceeds to make his way back to home.

 

***

_Tell me your definition of happiness…_

    

     “Do you have a dream or two?”

     Yoon Jeonghan snaps back from his daydream, shakes his head, and focusing back to his paperwork. Twelve hours of Yoon Jeonghan’s day has to be dedicated to his leadership, manners, literature, and politics studies. Yoon Jeonghan can’t help but to obey the command, it’s all for the sake of the country. Writing the last answer, Yoon Jeonghan closes his book. Yoon Jeonghan takes his long coat, this is Yoon Jeonghan’s one-hour break. The man in a black suit that was waiting for Yoon Jeonghan outside his room, Choi Seungcheol, walks behind Yoon Jeonghan’s form. This is Choi Seungcheol’s first day in Royal Castle as the prince butler.

    “Look, Seungcheol-ah, after I did my paperwork I have my one hour break and I’ll go wander around the backyard. Well, sometimes I sleep though. You don’t have to follow me around if you’re tired.”

    “Yes, Your highness. But according to the King’s command, I ought to follow Prince Yoon Jeonghan around.”

     “That old man.” Yoon Jeonghan clicks his tongue “Don’t go too formal with me, you’re the same age as me, right? Let’s just be friend.” Yoon Jeoghan circles his hand on Choi Seungcheol’s neck. Choi Seungcheol replies with a nod and a smile.

     Yoon Jeonghan walks following the concrete path with full-blooming flowers beside, feeling the breeze that touches Yoon Jeonghan’s silk-like skin, smelling the harmony of different flower’s fragrance, humming a spring soundtrack. Reaching the end of a flower path, Yoon Jeonghan walks past the concrete, through the tall grass and small flowing water system. Choi Seungcheol walks in hesitation and confusion behind Yoon Jeonghan’s back. Yoon Jeonghan then squats and takes out a giant size of rock from the wall fence that surrounds the castle in safety. Choi Seungcheol’s eyes grows big in shock,

     “Your highness, you can’t”

     “Yes, I can. You have to follow me around, right? Not ordering me around like my Dad did.” Yoon Jeonghan chuckles as he succeeds in removing the giant rock aside. Yoon Jeonghan slender form makes his way towards the outside of castle. Yoon Jeonghan then waves his hand, telling Choi Seungcheol to follow him and Choi Seungcheol did even though his body isn’t as slim as Yoon Jeonghan’s. Choi Seungcheol eyes diverts to the vast field of greens that seems endless with the deep blue lake next to the field. Yoon Jeonghan runs and tries to be as silent as possible or else the other people at the castle will caught him and the innocent Choi Seungcheol. Yoon Jeonghan lies above the grass, feeling his freedom in the air. Choi Seungcheol stands behind Yoon Jeonghan, amazed by the view.

     “Come on, Seungcheol. Sit down or something, I’m tired just by looking at you standing there.”

     Both of them looking at the lake, moving as the wind breath in and out. As one keep reminiscing the forgotten and the lost pieces of them, the other one found their fragments. The nature can be rude sometimes, it can be relaxing yet killing at the same time, on the same circumstances. Yoon Jeonghan suddenly remembers the unanswered question Yoon Jeonghan had today.

     “I did once. “

 

***

    _…and I’ll tell you my definition of happiness…_

 

    Lee Jihoon always wants to open his room that tightly closed when the loud turbulence inside that box house happened. Lee Jihoon wants for once, succeed in muting those ear-piercing clatter out. Lee Jihoon did once when Mr Kwon wasn’t around, yet all he got was a nothing than hurt much more, more knife-like words, more papercut-like sentences, more fire-like paragraph and zero improvements to make the situation better. From that day, when it happens all Lee Jihoon do is locked himself up.

    Lee Jihoon continues to move his fingertips briefly against the rigid end of the history book Lee Jihoon has been reading for the past three days. If only the harmony that has been screaming in Lee Jihoon’s ear could mute out the chaos out there. If only Lee Jihoon could read each words and each sentences in that book out loud. If only there’s something Lee Jihoon could do to make himself used to the mess out there. If only Lee Jihoon could carry out the ‘if only’ that Lee Jihoon had been screaming within himself. Lee Jihoon closes his book. Each of Lee Jihoon’s ear filled with fear. Each of words Lee Jihoon wanting to say filled with gray. Lee Jihoon tries to shake that off and sleep in peace. At this time, when everything else failed, Lee Jihoon closes his eyes as if this world isn’t dark enough for Lee Jihoon.  

     It isn’t easy, but it’s possible.    

     Lee Jihoon carries a lot of hopes, dreams, and wishes behind his back. Lee Jihoon who never sees how the sunlight shines through the holes in between branches, Lee Jihoon who always sees black whenever he is.

     Lee Jihoon is tired with blankness.

    In here, everything is working out well. Once Lee Jihoon opens his eyelids from covering up his sight, Lee Jihoon sees color, colors. All Lee Jihoon’s pitch black has been colored in. The green grass, the blue lake, the deep purple mixed with navy blue sky, the glowing white freckles spreads across the sky, the grey rock fence surrounds the castle, the broken white tinted with a little bit of light brown castle wall. For the first time Lee Jihoon sees the realization of the colors he imagined, Lee Jihoon sees what Mr. Kwon has been described about a beautiful night sky in summer, the first landscape view of Lee Jihoon after everything has been taking out from Lee Jihoon.

     “Jihoonie?”

     Lee Jihoon turns his head to the source of the sound, it’s man’s voice yet it’s not too deep, it’s full of major notes in his voice. Lee Jihoon’s vision captures that moment beautifully, the first time Lee Jihoon experiences such a dream. It’s so vivid—the colours, the features, the movements, everything. The petite form of Lee Jihoon trembles in awe, mouth widens in excitement. He is unknown yet fascinatingly beautiful.

     “Who...”

     Lee Jihoon stops.

     “…are you?”

     Lee Jihoon closes his widening mouth with both of his warm palms. Disbelief isn’t enough to describe Lee Jihoon’s tangling minds right now. The man in front of Lee Jihoon stands there with his ear to ear grin—showing off series of white teeth. Every edges, every inch, every specks of him are so striking. Lee Jihoon curls, hiding within his own warmth. Lee Jihoon doesn’t know a thing about colors, shapes, or even his own voice. All of them already buried years and years ago inside the shackled cage.

     “You okay, Jihoon?”

      Hearing someone else’s voice isn’t something new. Lee Jihoon frees himself, Lee Jihoon screams on the top of his lungs. Lee Jihoon lets the universe know the sound of Lee Jihoon, the voice of Lee Jihoon, the noise of Lee Jihoon. While the jumping-around Lee Jihoon let out his joyful and gratefulness, that man laughs even if he does not know the circumstance is, he follows Lee Jihoon.

     “Don’t you dare to be happy alone!”

     Both of them dance in circles, underneath the sky of a summer night.

     “This is my happiness, even if it’s so surreal to be true and the truth it is.”

 

***

_…and I’ll tell you my definition of happiness…_

 

     “I’m sorry I should have protected the prince at the first place.” Yoon Jeonghan rubs his bottom and back with a pissed off face as Yoon Jeonghan watches his butler first day, scolded by his father. Yoon Jeonghan almost sure that both of his bottom and back will show a red stripe across. Why would a 21 years old get this flogging while reciting a king’s vow as a punishment, Yoon Jeonghan thought. Yoon Jeonghan knows that he is the one that made a mistake, they shouldn’t scream in happiness while spinning and dancing when the sky already went dark. Both of them totally forgot their curfew.

     After getting permission, Yoon Jeonghan goes back to his room. Doing some ‘self-reflection’ Yoon Jeonghan’s father said,

     “Self-reflection, my ass. Seungcheol, you should go back to your room instead and rest. I’m going to sleep.”

     Choi Seungcheol’s eyes divert, there’s hesitation as if Choi Seungcheol’s whole body trying to tell Yoon Jeonghan ‘are you sure you wouldn’t put me in a hard time again’. Yoon Jeonghan who is sharp succeeds in reading Choi Seungcheol reluctant move.

     “I swear I won’t do anything reckless like that again. Good night.”

     “Good night, Your highness.”

     “I told you to call me Jeonghan instead.”

     Yoon Jeonghan quickly enters his room and fall directly on the top of his fluffy bed, eyes closed in seconds record. As usual, the fast sleeper person Yoon Jeonghan is, his mind already rests in deep sleep. The truth is, Yoon Jeonghan tired. Not only physically but mentally. Yoon Jeonghan is jealous. Everyone wants to be Prince like he is but the money, the gold, the luxurious life Yoon Jeonghan has right now, isn’t as big as Yoon Jeonghan happiness. The big glamorous castle feels like a wild prison for him. Yoon Jeonghan isn’t naïve enough to acknowledge that the sparkling luxury of his father’s richness is an actual source of joy. All Yoon Jeonghan wanted to do is being free, or write poems and paint the sky some other time.

     Yoon Jeonghan opens the eyelids that have been covered his vision. The sounds around him are so crisp, becoming greater and greater as if he sat in the middle of orchestra performance this time. The metal bench feels cold yet the breeze is warm enough engulfed Yoon Jeonghan in nature’s gentleness. Everything tinted in rich color. Not only the brown, blue, and pale green that Yoon Jeonghan always saw behind the building of prison disguised as Royal castle. Those are magenta, pink, salmon pink, peach. Navy, tiffany, tosca. All shades of color you could ever imagine. The sun glows as if waving his hand to the lonely prince, so the lonely prince does smile to the generous sun.

     “Jeonghan?”

     Yoon Jeonghan shifts himself to that voice, it’s raspy like someone who almost never speaks their whole life yet so soothing at the same time as if the warmness of today’s coming from that voice. His milk chocolate colored hair settles on the crown of his head, his petite form handing Yoon Jeonghan a set of canvas, paint, and brushes. A sincere smile across his face, Yoon Jeonghan isn’t hesitated—worry doesn’t exist in his dictionary anymore.

     “Thank you.” The lonely prince murmurs. Both of them sit next to each other.

     They forget.

     But each stroke that Yoon Jeonghan brushes on the top of his canvas filled with certainties.

     Yoon Jeonghan doesn’t care even it’s a surrealism that he draws.

 

***

 

   _…if there’s no such a thing called eternity…_

 

     Lee Jihoon abruptly wakes up, causing books he had beside his bed to obey the gravity. Lee Jihoon drenched in tears, Lee Jihoon whole body trembles, shaking, quivering in fear. The series of the fortunate event he had just now, is too vivid, so clear that Lee Jihoon able to remember everything even to the tiniest size of details. Lee Jihoon opens his eyes, Lee Jihoon sure that he is opening his eyelid as far as he could, yet the color still not showing and as far as Lee Jihoon could tell he is seeing darkness. The pitch black that he should be used to. Lee Jihoon hears the wooden door of his room being opened harshly.

     “What happened?”

     Lee Jihoon wipes all of his tears and sweats away from his face. Lee Jihoon can feel the heat of nervousness from Mr Kwon Soonyoung’s palm that meet his shoulder blades, Lee Jihoon can hear the rapid beat of Mr Kwon Soonyoung’s heart and his abstract pattern of breathing. Lee Jihoon shakes his head. As Lee Jihoon notices the strange silence in the house, Lee Jihoon raises up his hand.

    _Where’s mom and dad?_

     “Both of their cars are going somewhere.”

     _Does mom bring her luggage?_

     There’s a pause.

     “Yes. I’m sorry.”

      Lee Jihoon shakes his head.

     _You don’t have to._

     Lee Jihoon can hear another noise from Mr Kwon Soonyoung. It’s so thin and barely caught by Lee Jihoon sharp hearing sense. Lee Jihoon then mouthed something while his body still trembles. It’s all lies if Lee Jihoon says he is okay, yet Lee Jihoon can’t let anyone other than him suffered. Especially Mr Kwon Soonyoung.

     _Don’t cry. Now, pick my book and you read it out loud._

Mr Kwon Soonyoung picks the one that has a bookmark on it. It was written in alphabet, the only book Lee Jihoon has with alphabet so Mr Kwon Soonyoung can participate in Lee Jihoon self-taught studies. So Lee Jihoon mother won’t call him stupid again, so Lee Jihoon father won’t call him jobless for eternity again, so Lee Jihoon can pursue his dream to lead a country.

 

     “I did have a dream before. I want to become a president.”

 

***

    _…if there’s no such a thing called eternity…_

 

     Yoon Jeonghan wakes up abruptly, welcomed by the usual black and white luxury Yoon Jeonghan saw every day. The sound of knuckles against a wooden door of Yoon Jeonghan’s room invading Yoon Jeonghan’s ear, as if it was an alarm for him. The sun beam peeks in between the curtain that covered Yoon Jeonghan’s room. But it doesn’t radiate the warm like what Yoon Jeonghan’s dream visualize, even the warmth is still there—lingering on the surface of Yoon Jeonghan’s skin. It felt so real, the euphoria, the joy, yet it’s so heartbreaking the fact that all of them isn’t the truth Yoon Jeonghan has today.

     “Your highness, it’s already past your sleeping hour.”

     Your highness, your highness, your highness. Yoon Jeonghan is pissed off. Yoon Jeonghan already saw the next twelve hours in the box room with his old and crusty teachers, learning so many stuff that Yoon Jeonghan will forget in the next day, another hour to read and learn some other example document Yoon Jeonghan have to understand. All of them just exhaust him off. Yoon Jeonghan grabs his long cape and escapes from the old ass building. Yoon Jeonghan doesn’t care for another flogging or another king’s vow that he already remembered clearly. Yoon Jeonghan wants to make his dream come true for at least a day.

     Yoon Jeonghan uses another secret gate that he never uses. Yoon Jeonghan runs as fast as he can, racing with the wind, forget the burden there, Yoon Jeonghan with his freedom.

     Alone with his freedom and living the vivid dream Yoon Jeonghan had before. Seeing new things, exploring a new place, smelling the harmony of each fragrance creating a beautiful fusion. Yoon Jeonghan buys bread for his breakfast with a carton of banana milk, Yoon Jeonghan is tired of a full breakfast menu that never changes. Yoon Jeonghan buys a bouquet of flowers from a boy, baby’s breath, tulips, rose, in every color.

     “Do you like colors?” The boy asks. Yoon Jeonghan nods. The older woman behind him slap that small figured man and nags him for that man doesn’t address Yoon Jeonghan as the citizen should be. Yoon Jeonghan smiles and said it was fine. Both of the flower shop owner and the man stands there frozen, adoring Yoon Jeonghan endearing smile.

     Yoon Jeonghan continues to walk further, even when his mind doesn’t know where to go, but Yoon Jeonghan keeps going where his pair of foot bring him to.

     “Isn’t that the Prince?”

     Yoon Jeonghan turns his head.

     “Good morning, Maam! Have a nice day!”

     Yoon Jeonghan feels that warmth within him.

     On the top of the farthest hill, Yoon Jeonghan settles himself. Yoon Jeonghan put his basket full of groceries. It’s already dark and cold outside, but Yoon Jeonghan doesn’t feel that. Yoon Jeonghan pulls out his brand new canvas, paint, and brushes. Time walk as if it was running. One by one, Yoon Jeonghan finishes each piece. And so Yoon Jeonghan looks up, the vast sky is smiling through the translucent color dancing around, and the pixel illuminating a subtle light, the moon is sitting on his throne and greets the lonely prince. The lonely prince smiles back, maybe Yoon Jeonghan isn’t the lonely prince anymore.

 

     “I did have a dream before. I want to feel this world to the fullest and appreciate each and every side of its beauty through paint and poems.”

 

***

 

     What surrounds him is a glistening dark blue water, the lightest night sky. Lee Jihoon is there with his harmonica dangling and circling around his neck. Yoon Jeonghan is there with his canvas, paint, and brushes. Both of those glimmering eyes meet.

     “Ah, you’re the one that gave me a canvas at the park!” The prince asks, tapping the shoulder of the smaller man. Lee Jihoon sees it again, the striking features of last night dreams. How can such a flawless creature exist? Lee Jihoon then smiles towards the taller man, even though Lee Jihoon has no idea when did Lee Jihoon give this man a canvas. But Lee Jihoon remembers him.

     “You…” Lee Jihoon stutters, not used to his own voice.

     “…called me.” Yoon Jeonghan laughs and pats Lee Jihoon head until his hair become a messy forest. Yoon Jeonghan notices a harmonica dangling on Lee Jihoon’s neck. The sharp Lee Jihoon grabs his harmonica and starts playing one of his favorite melodies. The melody Lee Jihoon plays whenever Lee Jihoon felt happy, whenever the nature cherishes him, whenever Lee Jihoon felt a petal of flower landed on his shoulder. Yoon Jeonghan hums beside Lee Jihoon while enjoying the night performance featuring the trickling water, the whistling wind, the singing crickets.

     The next hour spent by them fiddling with each other. Finding each other in the midst of uncertainty. Exchanging stories. Enjoying the pleasing view in front of their eyes. Laughter and giggles filling up the silence. Yoon Jeonghan tells Lee Jihoon on how he was born in a Royal Family and ought to bring the responsibilities to lead the country next decade. Lee Jihoon tells Yoon Jeonghan on how he was born in a normal family as a normal boy yet the fate decides to take away his vision and ability to speak. The next hour spent by them encouraging each other, deep talk, and also affectionate touch.

     The warmth of Yoon Jeonghan touches against Lee Jihoon’s back, wiping away the dark cloud within Lee Jihoon. The gentleness of Lee Jihoon touches drifting on Yoon Jeonghan’s back, brushing off the dirt and dust over Yoon Jeonghan.

     “Look, do you have a dream or two?” Yoon Jeonghan asks. Lee Jihoon eyes widen, as he heard that question before. Reminiscing the answer Lee Jihoon had thought, Lee Jihoon smiles and speaks up.

     “I do.” The silence interrupts but none of them reject the arrival of soundless night. Yoon Jeonghan giggles. Yoon Jeonghan thought that he is selfish and Yoon Jeonghan really needs the self-reflection that his father always said.

     “I do too.” The crickets went back to his shelter, the wind stops, and the water remains calm. Lee Jihoon thought that he is spoiled and Lee Jihoon really needs to stand up like what his voice within him always said.

     “I guess we are trapped in some weird dimensions before and now we are here. Together. Cherishing each other.” Lee Jihoon drowns in silence as he is still scared to listen to his own voice. Yoon Jeonghan clasps his fingers with Lee Jihoon’s. It is safe there. The dream is meant to be forgotten, and the bittersweet reality is the one that they have to pursue. With the sun needs to go back to his throne and the day orchestra prepares themselves to please the humans, they have to go back.

     “What’s your name?”

     “The lonely prince, and you?”

     “The silent fighter.”

     Both of them laughs. It is the most graceful laugh that Lee Jihoon ever heard. It is the sincerest laugh that Yoon Jeonghan ever heard.

     “Next time, we should hang out in the castle instead.” Yoon Jeonghan said as he stands up and rubs off the remaining grass on his pants.

     “Yes, I would like to know how the life of a prince once in a while.” Lee Jihoon turns his head, ready to give a departure greeting to the lonely prince. Yet, the lonely prince isn’t there anymore. Lee Jihoon looks at the castle across the island. It is beautiful.

     So does the lonely prince.

     “Thank you.”

     The silent fighter continues his soothing melody to welcome the endless night. 

 

   _…then this is us, the clarity._

 


End file.
